On Aggravating Stuff and the Fact that Everyone Seems to Need Hearing Aids, Etiquette Lessons, and Brain Transplants These Days!
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
A Note By This Blog Author
As I continue to overhaul much (most, actually) of the online-writing (blogs/accounts) that I've done on a casual/free-time basis, I'm finding that the last pages that seem to be getting my attention are blogs that I set up with a focus on a single subject/theme. This is one of those blogs.
The banks, the phone companies, the gas company, the cable people, the store clerks, the insurance companies - the list goes on and on, and.....
CUSTOMER SERVICE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.
Who hasn't left the building, however, are all those people who have no clue about parking space etiquette, grocery store behavior, "indoor voices", and restaurant rudeness. They are not only "in the building"- they're increasing in numbers.
If My Communications Were "Recorded for Quality" (or Possible Lawsuits)....
My part of the conversations (or at least what I felt like saying):
"Does anybody write anything down these days?"
"Didn't you hear what I said the first three times I said it?"
"Does anyone's computer system save files these days?"
"You mean I have to tell this whole story to yet someone else?"
"If you've got heavy call volume can't you get more phone-answering people?"
(By the way, are these people who claim to be human beings REALLY human beings?)
"If this problem doesn't get resolved once and for all I am no longer going to reserve my rudeness for your electronic answering equipment!"
"Do you think I actually believe that you really value my business?"
"No, there isn't 'anything else' you can do for me today."
("By the way - 'ELSE?' What is it, exactly, that you DID do for me today??")
"Do you mean your company REALLY doesn't have any supervisors to whom customers with unique problems could talk?"
"My estimated wait time is HOW LONG?!!!"
"Pardon me? Sorry? Sorry? I'm sorry, but I'm having a lot of trouble understanding your language - oops, I mean 'hearing you'".
"Yes. I was just talking to someone, but I couldn't hear him. I don't know his name, but actually maybe it would be better if I could talk to you?"
"Hey - no problem. I don't mind filling out that six-page financial form for the fourth time. After all, why should I expect you not to lose the three copies I sent you already?"
"I DID try using your automated service, but it kept telling me I wasn't entering numbers even though I was. I guess my phone doesn't register. I wish one of your sales people had mentioned that when I bought it from you."
"Hello? Are you still there? Hello? Oh, RATS!!! That's the third time."
"You know how when, whenever I call you, your machine says the call may be being recorded for quality purposes? Well, instead of my calling for the fourteenth time can't you just dig out one of my earlier calls?"
"Oh - I'm glad to know the number I have for your service center is correct, and the only reason nobody answered the phone any of those times I called on any of those days was because they were busy. I should have known that was the simple explanation for never getting an answer at a business." (After all - "busy"/"business". It all makes sense now.)
"Hey - I don't mind feeling like I was in the Twilight Zone for a half hour or so because what you saw on your screen, and what I know about my account, were two different things. After all, how could you have known that you shouldn't have been looking at the "quickie" screen and should, instead, have been looking at the screen that gives you all the information?"
"You can e-mail me your response at the above e-mail address (if, of course, you are someone who responds to e-mails at all). If you don't respond to my e-mail I understand. After all, "busy/business"....."
"How do I know that when you say you'll send it out tomorrow afternoon, and that I'll get it within five business days, that will really happen? I don't mean to be difficult, but as I explained, I have been calling every six months since February 2006 and been told the same thing each time."
"Ah - you know... maybe I won't leave a message, thanks. If I had any reason to think you'd actually a call me back that may make sense, but I know better. I'll just wait for my Fairy Godmother to fix things."
"Well, thanks for telling me all the things I need to do, all the offices I need to visit, and all the documentation I'll need to get to fix the typo someone in your office made eleven years ago - but maybe I'll just go with the wrong birthday being in your file. When I get to retirement age I'll just wait the extra six months."
"Yes, I'm sure that how I've always spelled my name."
"No, you're incorrect when you say my three kids don't have their check-up appointments today. See - I've had it marked in my book since eight months ago , which was when you said I had to set up the back-to-school check-up appointments if they would be needing them. That's ok. I suppose they can all start school in another few months, after they've had that next appointment you're offering us."
"I don't appreciate the way you're talking to me. You know, I'm several decades older than my voice sounds on the phone."
"Well, I did have several important appointments tomorrow, but - that's ok - I don't mind waiting all day for you to call and then not having you call. That's what I'm here for and why you appreciate my business the way you always say you do."
"Yes - I was calling to see ask if there is such a thing as 'voice-change" surgery? The voice I have doesn't seem to be being heard by anybody. No, I don't have the volume turned all the way up, but it's not on 'mute' either. Yes, I've tried both the "nice" mode and the "cold mode". Neither works."
"Hi, Linda. Could you please tell the others I won't be at work for a few days. I'm having a nervous breakdown. Hey - Linda? Do you know how long it usually takes to be driven to a complete nervous breakdown? That long, eh?"
"Yes - I was calling to inquire about whether you can dig out some seventeen-year-old records. I need them to prove something to someone who, for some reason, can't accept the information I've already provided six times."
"Hello? Hello? Are you still there?"
"Oh, RATS!!! Not again! Forget it...."
"Yes, could you tell me how to get the forms to file some small claims cases? Well, let's see - if I don't hear back from someone tomorrow I'll be needing (I think) sixteen of everything."
"Yes, I've diagnosed myself in need of medication. I don't really think anti-depressants would be appropriate, but I was wondering if I could sign up for some tranquilizers? Well, I guess the main symptoms are anxiety and feeling as if I'm generally going insane. No, it's not really me. It's all the people I deal with. Does that make me paranoid? No? That's ok. I'll just take up drinking. Thanks. You have a nice day too."
"Does anybody write anything down these days?"
"Didn't you hear what I said the first three times I said it?"
"Does anyone's computer system save files these days?"
"You mean I have to tell this whole story to yet someone else?"
"If you've got heavy call volume can't you get more phone-answering people?"
(By the way, are these people who claim to be human beings REALLY human beings?)
"If this problem doesn't get resolved once and for all I am no longer going to reserve my rudeness for your electronic answering equipment!"
"Do you think I actually believe that you really value my business?"
"No, there isn't 'anything else' you can do for me today."
("By the way - 'ELSE?' What is it, exactly, that you DID do for me today??")
"Do you mean your company REALLY doesn't have any supervisors to whom customers with unique problems could talk?"
"My estimated wait time is HOW LONG?!!!"
"Pardon me? Sorry? Sorry? I'm sorry, but I'm having a lot of trouble understanding your language - oops, I mean 'hearing you'".
"Yes. I was just talking to someone, but I couldn't hear him. I don't know his name, but actually maybe it would be better if I could talk to you?"
"Hey - no problem. I don't mind filling out that six-page financial form for the fourth time. After all, why should I expect you not to lose the three copies I sent you already?"
"I DID try using your automated service, but it kept telling me I wasn't entering numbers even though I was. I guess my phone doesn't register. I wish one of your sales people had mentioned that when I bought it from you."
"Hello? Are you still there? Hello? Oh, RATS!!! That's the third time."
"You know how when, whenever I call you, your machine says the call may be being recorded for quality purposes? Well, instead of my calling for the fourteenth time can't you just dig out one of my earlier calls?"
"Oh - I'm glad to know the number I have for your service center is correct, and the only reason nobody answered the phone any of those times I called on any of those days was because they were busy. I should have known that was the simple explanation for never getting an answer at a business." (After all - "busy"/"business". It all makes sense now.)
"Hey - I don't mind feeling like I was in the Twilight Zone for a half hour or so because what you saw on your screen, and what I know about my account, were two different things. After all, how could you have known that you shouldn't have been looking at the "quickie" screen and should, instead, have been looking at the screen that gives you all the information?"
"You can e-mail me your response at the above e-mail address (if, of course, you are someone who responds to e-mails at all). If you don't respond to my e-mail I understand. After all, "busy/business"....."
"How do I know that when you say you'll send it out tomorrow afternoon, and that I'll get it within five business days, that will really happen? I don't mean to be difficult, but as I explained, I have been calling every six months since February 2006 and been told the same thing each time."
"Ah - you know... maybe I won't leave a message, thanks. If I had any reason to think you'd actually a call me back that may make sense, but I know better. I'll just wait for my Fairy Godmother to fix things."
"Well, thanks for telling me all the things I need to do, all the offices I need to visit, and all the documentation I'll need to get to fix the typo someone in your office made eleven years ago - but maybe I'll just go with the wrong birthday being in your file. When I get to retirement age I'll just wait the extra six months."
"Yes, I'm sure that how I've always spelled my name."
"No, you're incorrect when you say my three kids don't have their check-up appointments today. See - I've had it marked in my book since eight months ago , which was when you said I had to set up the back-to-school check-up appointments if they would be needing them. That's ok. I suppose they can all start school in another few months, after they've had that next appointment you're offering us."
"I don't appreciate the way you're talking to me. You know, I'm several decades older than my voice sounds on the phone."
"Well, I did have several important appointments tomorrow, but - that's ok - I don't mind waiting all day for you to call and then not having you call. That's what I'm here for and why you appreciate my business the way you always say you do."
"Yes - I was calling to see ask if there is such a thing as 'voice-change" surgery? The voice I have doesn't seem to be being heard by anybody. No, I don't have the volume turned all the way up, but it's not on 'mute' either. Yes, I've tried both the "nice" mode and the "cold mode". Neither works."
"Hi, Linda. Could you please tell the others I won't be at work for a few days. I'm having a nervous breakdown. Hey - Linda? Do you know how long it usually takes to be driven to a complete nervous breakdown? That long, eh?"
"Yes - I was calling to inquire about whether you can dig out some seventeen-year-old records. I need them to prove something to someone who, for some reason, can't accept the information I've already provided six times."
"Hello? Hello? Are you still there?"
"Oh, RATS!!! Not again! Forget it...."
"Yes, could you tell me how to get the forms to file some small claims cases? Well, let's see - if I don't hear back from someone tomorrow I'll be needing (I think) sixteen of everything."
"Yes, I've diagnosed myself in need of medication. I don't really think anti-depressants would be appropriate, but I was wondering if I could sign up for some tranquilizers? Well, I guess the main symptoms are anxiety and feeling as if I'm generally going insane. No, it's not really me. It's all the people I deal with. Does that make me paranoid? No? That's ok. I'll just take up drinking. Thanks. You have a nice day too."
Not Mentioning Any Names, Of Course...
These days many banks and private, government, or other organizations share in common gross failure to address their own mistakes. In fact, the problem is so widespread and common it wouldn't be practical to list even just those I've run into over the last several years. The Internet is full of complaints about some of the larger banks in America.
The image above is my way of "paying homage" (note the sarcasm, please) to some of the most "criminal" banks and corporations whose glossy advertising and public announcements of "community involvement" say little about what these institutions/organizations do to destroy people's lives on a regular basis. The image above represents any number of these organizations/institutions. I see no reason to name names. We all know who they are - especially the largest, most notorious, ones.
You know what I mean? (wink wink) Coming soon: Horror stories.
In the meantime, keep in mind that if you choose the right wireless phone company you won't have to worry about having as much money in a bank; because certain phone companies are very clever in taking your money in under-handed ways as well. It isn't their fault though (it's never their fault) because, you see, they just never "have something in place" to fix any mistakes they make. I've figured that out after having too many talks with any number of "customer care" representatives.